Saturday, October 07, 2000
the disenchantment of dan
I'm bored. I'm on this L.A. slacker schedule, in that I stayed up all night with friends in LA and slept until 4pm there, and now I'm in Michigan and I sleep until 7pm, so what the fuck? It's 7am and I'm awake
still with no sleep in sight for a long time. I have a headache, I shouldn't be staring at the computer screen... I was playing some Civilization, but the Japanese were kicking my ass and I'm being a sore loser... I just quit out of the came... usually when that happens I pop it into cheat mode and bring out nuclear weapons in the 1800s and kill everybody off. Thats no fun though. Okay, maybe just a little bit of fun.
I have no job. I have no life. I have no money. The only thing going good is that I did finish the script. (Don't quote me on that, I can change anything at any time.) Yup. So I'm pretty boring these days. I did go to an Irish bar tonight, some crazy Irish band was playing, they sing song of women and whiskey (not necessarily related instances, but sometimes maybe so.)
I long for the days when life was a bit more exciting and the people I was interacting with where more enlightening to my character and idealisms, but then again, I bet the times I am referring to I was probably wishing for the same thing. Am I depressed, or just unemployed? I don't think I'm depressed because I haven't written anything depressing, and thats usually the best sign of my emotions. I think I'm just reacting to the loss of what I thought was an amazing friendship, but apparently "we haven't really been friends for the last 2 years." and I thought everything was peachy... I knew she's been acting weird (she being Kat) but she's been weird since her sister died so I thought it was just that, but apparently there is no foundation to the almost 6 year friendship we've had. Funny... I was her longest running friend, too. Whatever. She actually paged me and we ALMOST talked, but of course, after about 5 minutes she had something better to do because as she claims "yet again, you waited too long to call me back." Whatever.
I guess I wouldn't think about it so much if I had a real girlfriend, but the girl I'm seeing, I just decided I'm really not all that into, so I've been avoiding the real problem: Dan doesn't want to put effort relationships
(i.e. friends or lovers or whatever) because he is afraid they will walk away like the other %75 or so of people I've encountered in my life that are nowhere to be found these days. Maybe I'm bitter, maybe I'm just disenchanted with life as a whole. I think it'll all work out once I get a job and can afford to go places again. (not that Vegas and Los Angeles weren't places, I actually was loving everything while I was gone, but I saved up $700 bucks for that and blew cash everywhere like it was a stale bong hit.)
This whole voting this has me all confused. I don't even know what to do. I dig on Nader, but does he really have a chance? I have this horrible feeling that Bush is going to get elected and life will suck for 4 years. Plus that whole 4 open spots on the Supreme Court will be new republicans.
Why can't they just start a Mars Colony soon. I think I'd really like to go there. I would open the first porn shop / head shop / comic book store on Mars. Do you think Mars will have 24 hours in a day or would it be something weird like 36? I would really hate to work 26 hour days at my shop. I subscribe to the Bill Hicks philosophy "I need about 8 hours of sleep a day, and 10 at night."
I know why I'm all weird. It's 'cause I know I can't see Phish again for a long time. I think thats when I'm happiest. Among all the hippies, where life is simple and the only reason capitalism exists is to make enough money for gas and food to the next show. Simple Simple Simple life. Oh how I miss grade school. I think I'm gonna grab all my Transformers and lock myself in the basement and have a huge war of good against evil because thats what it's really all about. Maybe I can pretend that I've dreamt the last 12 years of my life and if I wake up Saturday morning I can watch The Great Space Coaster and Superfriends and read some comic books when I'm done.
Ok. I'm done ranting.not depressed, just disenchanted
still with no sleep in sight for a long time. I have a headache, I shouldn't be staring at the computer screen... I was playing some Civilization, but the Japanese were kicking my ass and I'm being a sore loser... I just quit out of the came... usually when that happens I pop it into cheat mode and bring out nuclear weapons in the 1800s and kill everybody off. Thats no fun though. Okay, maybe just a little bit of fun.
I have no job. I have no life. I have no money. The only thing going good is that I did finish the script. (Don't quote me on that, I can change anything at any time.) Yup. So I'm pretty boring these days. I did go to an Irish bar tonight, some crazy Irish band was playing, they sing song of women and whiskey (not necessarily related instances, but sometimes maybe so.)
I long for the days when life was a bit more exciting and the people I was interacting with where more enlightening to my character and idealisms, but then again, I bet the times I am referring to I was probably wishing for the same thing. Am I depressed, or just unemployed? I don't think I'm depressed because I haven't written anything depressing, and thats usually the best sign of my emotions. I think I'm just reacting to the loss of what I thought was an amazing friendship, but apparently "we haven't really been friends for the last 2 years." and I thought everything was peachy... I knew she's been acting weird (she being Kat) but she's been weird since her sister died so I thought it was just that, but apparently there is no foundation to the almost 6 year friendship we've had. Funny... I was her longest running friend, too. Whatever. She actually paged me and we ALMOST talked, but of course, after about 5 minutes she had something better to do because as she claims "yet again, you waited too long to call me back." Whatever.
I guess I wouldn't think about it so much if I had a real girlfriend, but the girl I'm seeing, I just decided I'm really not all that into, so I've been avoiding the real problem: Dan doesn't want to put effort relationships
(i.e. friends or lovers or whatever) because he is afraid they will walk away like the other %75 or so of people I've encountered in my life that are nowhere to be found these days. Maybe I'm bitter, maybe I'm just disenchanted with life as a whole. I think it'll all work out once I get a job and can afford to go places again. (not that Vegas and Los Angeles weren't places, I actually was loving everything while I was gone, but I saved up $700 bucks for that and blew cash everywhere like it was a stale bong hit.)
This whole voting this has me all confused. I don't even know what to do. I dig on Nader, but does he really have a chance? I have this horrible feeling that Bush is going to get elected and life will suck for 4 years. Plus that whole 4 open spots on the Supreme Court will be new republicans.
Why can't they just start a Mars Colony soon. I think I'd really like to go there. I would open the first porn shop / head shop / comic book store on Mars. Do you think Mars will have 24 hours in a day or would it be something weird like 36? I would really hate to work 26 hour days at my shop. I subscribe to the Bill Hicks philosophy "I need about 8 hours of sleep a day, and 10 at night."
I know why I'm all weird. It's 'cause I know I can't see Phish again for a long time. I think thats when I'm happiest. Among all the hippies, where life is simple and the only reason capitalism exists is to make enough money for gas and food to the next show. Simple Simple Simple life. Oh how I miss grade school. I think I'm gonna grab all my Transformers and lock myself in the basement and have a huge war of good against evil because thats what it's really all about. Maybe I can pretend that I've dreamt the last 12 years of my life and if I wake up Saturday morning I can watch The Great Space Coaster and Superfriends and read some comic books when I'm done.
Ok. I'm done ranting.not depressed, just disenchanted
